How do they not know?

Ok, so lately I've been engaging in late night binges of TV shows I really don't care about. It's a nice insomniac ritual and I think it builds character to watch terrible things sometimes. After all, someone went out of their way to make this *insert media here* and someone should at least give it a try.

While I was combing through the dross, I came across several witty-ish shows that had potential. I found at least two that I plan to re-watch immediately because they were hidden gems. And I would say it was a 30/70 ratio of American to Foreign programming. That 70% includes Australia, UK, Ireland, Denmark, Sweden and a few others. It's a broad sample is what I'm saying here.

In every single show, regardless of origin point, there was at least one scene where a cell phone rang at an importune moment. It rang during funerals, during love scenes, during somber moments, during wedding speeches, during firings; it rang everywhere.

"Of course I can talk! They are just getting ready to lower
the coffin, so we're basically done. I'm so glad I left my volume
turned all the way up so I could take this really important call
from my roommate who just needs to tell me that the sink
is clogged! I know, right? Hi-jinks!"

Picture from bestadsontv.com

Yes, this is a particular formula, allowing an inanimate object to break the tension or distract the viewers momentarily. But can I just ask a question here? How do they not know? How do these characters, presumably at least the ones who are electing to attend these events that have been planned and discussed for some period of time, how do they not remember to put their phone on silent?

I know. I know it's a thing. It happens. There's always some jerk who forgets to turn his phone off in the movie theater and you hear him beeping awkwardly during the previews to shut it down/silence it. But a wedding? A funeral? A session of nudity where people are going to rub together?? That just seems unrealistic and annoying. It probably isn't so bad if you haven't watched like 12 shows all do the same thing back to back for a week, but still. How do you show up at your beloved Gammy's funeral and not turn your cell phone at least to vibrate? I mean, that just seems weird to leave it on full blast walking into a funeral.

Honestly, I wish that was all. I do. But it doesn't stop there. No, not only do these Luddites leave their ringtone volume maxed out all of the time and never shut it off, they also do not know how to stop it from making noise. Now, I know we've all gotten new phones and had to spend a little time, maybe a month or two, learning every little thing about how to make it work, what buttons do what, etc. But after watching a character use this same phone for at least 6 episodes which encompass at least 3-5 months of in-story time, there is no excuse!

Maybe they just really don't understand the technology? I find that, as a viewer, hard to swallow. Unless the character is a grumpy elderly person who just calls it the "talking brick" or something, that's just flimsy. I cannot believe I'm the only person who notices this.

But there is a solution. It's fairly universal and works on almost all phones. Just press the power or volume down button.

If it doesn't have those features, close it. Turn it face down. Press the large button in the center. Press ignore and then silence your damn phone so when they call back you won't have to hear the ring again. No one does any of these things! When the phone rings, they just look at it stupidly and then do the comedic struggle to get out of wherever they are to take their phone call in private, letting it ring loudly the entire time. Seriously, the entire walk, just loud ringing. Are they making sure that people know it's not a drill? That the phone is still persistently ringing several seconds later? Do they enjoy the generic shrill beeping? It makes no sense.

There are people in my life with a passion for weird ringtones and they will let their entire song play at least once before answering just because they enjoy the tune. But that isn't quite the same. No TV show that I've seen has anything other than the standard, pre-selected tone. So why do they just let it keep ringing as they make their way out of the scene?! WHY???

Characters in TV and FILM: Just leave your phone on silent. Always. Forever. Check it occasionally, since you will anyway even if the damn ringer is set to jackhammer decibels, and turn the vibrate on if you are expecting a very important call or text during a sensitive event LIKE A FUNERAL!

I just cannot believe I've never seen a single piece of footage where the character hears the phone start to ring and simply clicks the power button to silence it while he or she excuses themselves to take this very important, deus ex machina phone call.

I won't get my hopes up.

Anyway, this just really started to bug me and so I thought I would openly plea to anyone involved in film or TV to please just teach the characters how to shut off their ringtones and find some new way of covering lazy writing or plot holes.

February 1st 2016

I would love to say I'm back with a fresh perspective and a new attitude, ready to tackle the new year and post tons of great content and really interact with my readers.

I would. Really. Love to say that. But I kinda can't.

I have been struggling with blog ideas lately. After taking some time off to do holiday things and get a bit of a break, I really thought it would just kind of naturally come back to being fun and exciting and worth reading. But I don't know if it will.

When I first started this blog, I wanted to really share my views on Nonsteading and why technology is our friend. In the past 6 months or so, I've written over 100 posts and the most popular ones were a breaking news story and a Top 10 list of British TV shows. Occasionally I would post something that really connected with someone, and that was great. But am I really writing enough stellar material to justify publishing something every day?

I used to get so frustrated looking over my Twitter feed, seeing authors and creative types resharing the same blog post for a week. It really seemed like you should post your stuff, share it around on the social sites the day it came out and maybe for one additional day, but then leave it alone. I never felt right trying to force people to read my words, and I guess I still don't. I also hate feeling like I'm "selling" someone on my point of view. If you want to see what I've written, well, there's links to stuff, enjoy. I always felt like people would get sick of seeing me link the same blog post 300 times in one week, because I had not posted any new content.

I guess what I'm really wondering is, am I alone in this? Does anyone else feel like you should only market fresh work? Does anyone else mute/unfollow people who post the same link over and over every few hours? Should you publish something everyday, just to have new material or should you wait until there's some real gem and only publish once or twice a month? Should you only blog about big events like releases and preorder dates?

Until my holiday break I was getting about two thousand unique views a month here, and I felt like that was great. What I'm wondering now is, what made you visit? Was it an interesting tag line? Was it the title of the blog post? Was it the repetition of the link? Was it that you actually enjoyed reading what I wrote? What exactly should I be aiming for?

Now, yes, that may seem lazy, asking readers to tell me what they want to read, but I am honestly curious as to the draw. If everyone told me that Caturday was my biggest pull, that doesn't mean I'm going to just turn the blog into one giant Caturday machine. I'm more curious in honest feedback about what I've done so far, and what people would like to see more of. Most of the time I don't get any comments on these posts (maybe a few +1's on G+) so hopefully someone will take pity and leave their thoughts.

Hope

Author Interview Jeremy Ephe

Today, I'd like to introduce you to Jeremy Ephe. This expat is merrily dancing along the line between poet and novelist. He has a growing following on Twitter and a rather interesting slant on writing. I hope you enjoy his interview as much as I did! Let's get started!

Top 3 favorite foods?

#1 has to be mom’s lasagna, especially when she uses the spicy sausage. Yes I am comfortable enough with my sexuality to say “spicy sausage”.

#2 is my wife’s cooking, not because I have to say that either. She isn’t afraid to try new dishes all the time and makes sure I eat healthy foods.

#3. Is tequila a food group yet?

Top 3 favorite movies or TV shows?

Top 3 movies are easy and I could rant about any of them for an obnoxiously long (boring) period of time. “Life is Beautiful” “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and “Into the Wild”.

Top 3 authors and why?

ee cummings is the reason I write, hands down. That man has a way with words that continues to inspire me. The dark side of me really enjoys to sit down with Cormac McCarthy. It has just recently been pointed out to me how much reading Ayn Rand when I was younger influenced my formidable philosophies on life. She might not be my first choice as a mentor today, but I am not going to start fibbing about my roots this early in an interview.

Where can we find previous written work?

Both of my books have been self-published on Amazon (one poetry collection and one novella) and can be found under my name Jeremy Ephe.  I continue to post new poetry on the site Allpoetry.com under the penname WV smooth.

What have you been working on more lately, poetry or fiction? Or something else?

I am always playing with poetry. My next work of fiction is in the works and is maybe two thirds of the way complete. It is going to be my first full length novel, and it is much more straight forward than my first stab at prose. I am learning the hard way that audiences don’t like to be so freaked out by an author right out of the gate. Let them know you are sane for you convince them you are crazy.

How long have you been writing?

The first time I ever got attention for my writing was in the eighth grade. I wrote a short story called “The Shoe” that was really just a metaphoric account of the death of my dog. Family members threaten to try and get it published as a children’s book to this day…twenty some years later. I can wait.

What was the first book you really loved reading and why?

I remember reading “Where the Red Ferns Grows” in middle school and bawling my eyes out. Any book that can evoke such a strong emotional response at an age when it wasn’t cool to cry has to be given accolades.

What sort of audience do you write for (YA, Adult, both)?

I don’t really write for an age range as much as mindset. My poetry challenges your attention span for sure. I think that if readers let go of a lot of the literal interpretation, the overall feel will hit them and stick.

When it comes to prose, I think I look to challenge an audience there too. My book, “Love as 8” should repulse its audience. I wanted to write a book in which there were no likable characters but I still wanted to hear laughter and cheers.

I know the books you have listed on Amazon are available in paperback. Do you think it is important for readers to have a physical copy?

Absolutely. I haven’t told many people (friends) that I write at all. Over the past year, I have bought copies of my books and mailed them to old friends out of the blue. Even if they can’t figure out how to contact me, I think it is a cool surprise to receive a random book in the mailbox. Sending that kind of magic out into the world makes me smile.

What are your thoughts on digital publishing? In your opinion, are physical books always going to exist or are they dying out?

I like to read with a pen in my hand. I make notes and revisit excerpts that I have highlighted. No doubt it is digital world, but a sand filled soggy copy of Charles Bukowski is a perfect companion for Sunday beach days.

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Nighttime is never long enough. The world finally shuts up so the creative voice in my head can finally start preaching.

What would you say your week looks like? Do you have a set time to work, or is it more organic? Do you write every day?

I am totally going to steal a line from Hunter Thompson from when he was asked a similar question. “I consider myself a binge writer”. When the juices are flowing, I hit the keyboard. When the words don’t flow, I don’t force it and usually relegate myself to editing previously written chapters.

Do you write full time, or still hold down a day job?

I am an American living as an expat in a small beach town in Mexico. Life is slow, simple, and beautiful, but I need to hustle to make a buck. Writing doesn’t put many tacos in my belly.

If you had to only write one type of material, one genre for the rest of your career what would you choose?

I would love to be able to introduce myself as a poet.

Do you have a website or social media for people who would like to find out more? What’s the best way for fans to stay informed?

I have signed up on quite a few writer’s networking sites, all under the name Jeremy Ephe. I lean towards Twitter mostly to try and grab attention.

Are there any upcoming projects that you are particularly excited about?

“Cry Me Rutabaga” is upcoming novel. I am putting everything I got into that show pony.

The Cinderella Laptop

Have you tried to purchase a computer recently?

I have and it was a nightmare.

As in all things, I am incredibly picky about what I want in a laptop. Yes, I know my desktop is for processing power and has a bigger screen, etc. But lately I've been toying around with a kids book idea and a few other things that require long hours. I don't like sitting at the computer for that length of time and it's actually quite a poor angle for drawing.

With that in mind, I went searching for a replacement laptop. Mine recently had an accident with a cat that left the fan broken and the hard drive disconnected. Luckily the cat was completely fine, which is really what matters. But I was out a laptop and I thought now would be the perfect time to start looking! Black Friday, Cyber Monday, plenty of other oddly expanding sale days, how hard can it be, right?

It's a miasma of despair and hopelessness. I don't want Windows 8 or Windows 10. We all know they are awful and I hate them. I want my old reliable Windows 7, because I'm a bit of a gamer sometimes and I like my OS to not fight with my gaming choices, or worse deem them "unsafe". For anyone who is about to list a laptop on eBay or a similar site, leave the OS alone! If the customer wants to upgrade they can do that when they get it, you are losing customers who are specifically looking for a machine that hasn't crossed over to the dark side!

I want at least 6 or 8 GB of RAM, but would prefer 12 or 16, because I'm using several graphics programs that require being able to do lots of things at once. Plus, the aforementioned gaming.

I know the AMD A-Series processors are slightly better than the Intel i7, if you have dedicated graphics, which I would also like! I'm fine with accepting a hybrid graphic build, if that's the only option, as I'm not doing any 3D gaming or hooking up an Oculus Rift. I promise to supply extra cooling power to compensate for the potential heat-sink issues.

I do not need a huge hard-drive! I don't plan to really save anywhere but the thumb drive I'm working on, so no, I don't need a terabyte, not even for extra storage, I have a secure external storage drive for that, and it's already got more TB than I could ever need! Honestly, I could live with 250 GB or less and no, it doesn't have to be a solid state drive, I promise not to handle it roughly or let it leave the house and ride on mass transit.

Everyone talks about how size is the most important thing. I don't care! It can have a 17 inch screen. It could have a tiny 13 inch screen because I just need the general concepts. It could have a 7 inch screen and it would still be better than trying to do everything on my cell phone, which is where I'm at now. Don't even get me started on that. I don't care if it's big or small or heavy or light, none of that really matters. It will be set on a mobile computer stand that I'll be dragging around from room to room when I feel like
moving around a bit or need to be somewhere to supervise something like heating repair or whatever.

I would like it to have a CPU speed of 2.3 ghz or better because again, program switching and various browser tabs and such, I need it to be zippy! I would obviously prefer something over 3 ghz, but I don't think it's entirely necessary.

Given my criteria, my wholly unreasonable list of wants, you would think it might make sense for me to just

 build it myself. I tried that. They were so unbelievably expensive that it was immediately out of range. I'm not spending two grand on a laptop. I didn't even spend that on my desktop! I don't think I've even spent that on a car! Cannibalizing the parts doesn't work either, as very little is cross-compatible. Plus, we've discussed my inability to "make" things. No one wants to repeat the great Toaster Fire of '02! So, I pretty much have to buy a used laptop, which is fine. If I could just find one. I'm starting to feel a bit like Prince Charming.

I guess what this really boils down to is a plea for help. If anyone knows someone, anyone, who has a computer that fits this description, please let me know. I will travel the breadth of my kingdom, speak with all in the land, or even pay reasonable shipping and handling charges.

Maybe there's someone out there who sees this blog who knows how to upgrade laptops and could help me form a plan of attack, or even just build one. I'm really pretty desperate. I'd take something close. The evil sisters would probably be close enough at this point.


💘 Hope

Book Covers and What They Mean

I've been hammering away a new book. It's not complete yet, but that's ok. The important part, the book cover, is already complete. I use the same artist for all of my book covers because I've found someone that I can work with. I trust my artist and that's not something that comes easily.

If you've ever written a book, you know it can be a deeply personal thing, and sharing that creative output is difficult. Finding the cover for your work can be quick and easy, as simple as choosing a generic design or free piece of artwork. But what if you want something special? Something that reflects not only your writing, but your style? What if you want something unique? Well, for that you are going to need someone with actual talent.

I always see posts fly by on Twitter, offering various services such as custom covers, designs on demand, and other kind of cookie-cutter rubber stamps. I would urge everyone to take some time, get to know the artist, and see if they get what you are trying to convey. I don't begrudge people who print up 500 cover ideas and then just sell them off as people find one that sort of fits their book. But that reminds me of those bodice-ripper covers you used to see on certain romance novels in the 80's or 90's. They were fairly generic, just some guy and some girl in similar kind of clothes in some romantic setting like a mountain or in front of a fire, whatever.

My point is those were mass-produced. There are several great, iconic covers that could have been paintings on their own. That is what I think a book cover should be, it should be art, in and of itself. Your cover should feature something that people would want to look at, even if it wasn't associated with your writing at all. Why would you want to work with anyone who didn't value their craft as much as you value yours?

Again, I am in no way belittling the people who churn out cover after cover. It's a rough job and someone has to do it. Generic book covers are a huge market now with digital publishing and ebooks. There's nothing wrong with doing something you like for a living, and I wish you well. I just feel strongly that book covers should be a connection between two artists.


Just my two cents.

What do you think?