An Honest Plea on Behalf of Women's Hats

I know some of you may have stumbled here by accident. Some may have just been curious. Others might have more personal reasons for finding this post. Whatever the circumstance, I welcome you. This might be a little bit weird, but try to withhold judgement until you've heard me out.

I think we should bring back the hat.

There I've said it. I don't know why this is such a provocative statement, but apparently it is. Now, I know there will be outcries of inconvenience, of feminism, of suffrage, of hair-styling. Women worked long and hard to be able to have freedom in how they dress. To be free from "antiquated -  unrealistic - uncomfortable ideals" of beauty. Given the rates of eating and anxiety disorders, I don't think we've really won. But I really don't understand the absence of female brims in the cyclical drama of dressing! Why have they been suspiciously absent since the early 60's?

Whilst I have never had an existential crisis about fashion, I do understand that it can be fraught with tension. It can be a passionately defended dogma. Please save any yelling for the comments.

Look at those options!

Men can still wear hats in most cultures around the world. Even in Western cultures like the UK and the US, there has been a resurgence in the range of fashionable toppers. The fedora enjoyed a brief renaissance before being ruined by hipsters and pick up artists. The same can be said for the classic top hat and more recently the bowler. Even the humble pork pie was making homes on the glossy strands of the male songsters for the last two decades.

What did women get out of this period in time? Trucker hats. Beanies. Furry things with ears.

This thing?

None of these were formal or classic. They were comfortable, and I guess sometimes fashionable, but they didn't really elevate our outfits. We also got the fedora, but by the time we started wearing it, it was already trending downward. The only place you can routinely spot beautiful millinery in the United States is at the Kentucky Derby. And even they are being overrun with fake celebrities (who ruin just about everything) showing up in monstrosities because they heard that having the biggest hat wins. No amount of true feminine class could compensate for these venomous style vultures!

Some will correctly point out that France, Britain, Russia and even parts of Australia and Canada still regularly display formal caps at prestigious events. This is true. Japan also has a very demure attitude toward hats, and their Empress Michiko displays hers beautifully!

We had a lovely British royal wedding a few years ago, which should have heralded the rise of fancy formal hats. Instead we were treated to sculptural pieces disguised as headgear! The obvious exception there was the Queen, who clearly knows how to display a classy chapeau. She was raised in an era where it was just another accessory; where learning how to wear it properly was vital and routine.

I didn't want to make fun of the younger royals, at least they were trying to honor the tradition. I just wish they hadn't tried to modernize it. God may save the Queen, but we should have been saved from "Fascinators" -  or what I like to call Hat Fraud. They are basically headbands with things attached. They look like awkward hair accessories. They were a terrible compromise and an insult to genuine hat appreciation.

Hats can occasionally be works of art, rather than just a functional, fashionable item. Those pieces are for very special occasions like gallery openings or red carpets. They serve the express purpose of attracting attention for the attention-seekers who wear them. They can also showcase a designer and their talents, all of which is laudable. But they are not what hats used to be. These new breed are the equivalent of wearing an outfit straight from the catwalk to Costco. These are just not everyday kind of headpieces!

Like this, but on your head.

I have illustrated why I believe hats have been relegated to the fringes of our fashion lives. They were either too weird, too unwieldy or too fluffy! We are left with the same terrible hat choices like baseball caps or slouchy beanies. We wear them to hide our hair on bad hair days or keep our ears warm in cold weather. We may find the odd "fashion" hat at older department stores, but they often look sad or oddly shaped, like they are trying too hard.

You know who you are.

Most new hats I could purchase right this minute look terrible. But that does not mean that all hats are bad! The solution? We should go back to what works. There are hundreds, thousands, of TV shows and movies across the globe set in the period between about 1920 and 1961. They are often set in America or the UK or someplace that people think of as modern for the time. In truth, fashion spread with the advent of newsreels and motion pictures. People all over the world probably agreed on more than they disagreed with in this period of time, at least when it came to hair covering.

What's truly amazing is if you happen to stumble across a vintage hat now - and I do mean vintage, not a reproduction that's been "fixed up", etc. - they look great with everything. They are as comfortable as your favorite pair of jeans or fluffy boots. I am not saying that every hat from that era fits everyone perfectly, everything has to be suited to you: your features, your style, your hair, your personality, everything.

But once you find a vintage hat that becomes you, makes your face look amazing, highlights your hair, shows off your neck or your cheekbones or a million other tiny details that you will appreciate instantly, it is one of the most sensational feelings in the world.

I know women who continuously search for that perfect pair of pumps that go with everything, and this is no different. Only in this case, almost no one knows they should be looking! Magazines and starlets and designers probably want to "invent trends" or "make money" and there's hardly anything to be gained from used hats, I'm sure. Worse, the ability to create them properly has been lost to some degree, simply from lack of demand. Fashion schools probably do still offer courses but how many people are alive to teach them? I refer to professional milliners who learned and apprenticed in a shop with a master? Much like handmade leather shoes, there seems to be few who can afford such a luxury item, as it would doubtlessly now be seen.

When hats were created in the past, they had to be made on a large scale, so they were hardly all custom jobs. I really do compare it to the perfect pair of jeans. Yes, some people spend thousands, but some find their perfect pair at a thrift shop or for twenty dollars at a department store. Hats used to be that common, and I think they should be again. Not only for fashion reasons, but also for historical purposes as well.

Hats are the only fashion accessory that I can think of (that didn't kill or maim, and no hatpins don't count!) to not make some sort of comeback or be refreshed in popularity. Women have reclaimed everything from corsets to high heels to men's clothing, and at least one of those used to be deadly! We have sacrificed for beauty. Yet the proper everyday hat remains stubbornly absent from our wardrobes.

So I will end with a plea. If you happen to see a hat for sale that looks a bit used or worn, but is clearly well made, try it on. I know you may have to practice new hairstyles that will work with it, or learn how to wear it properly. I know not every hat will be a winner. But try them all. When you find one you like, please buy it. Help preserve the heritage. Then we will at least have examples of how it should be done properly. Wear your hat with confidence. If you already have a budding collection like I do, wear them proudly and often. Let's bring the hat back from obscurity and back into fashion.

Who doesn't want to be a little more mysterious and alluring?

Where do all the #SceneGirls go?

That moment when you catch yourself thinking like an adult...

Interesting...
I also like cupcakes.

Lately there's been a trend of something I've come to identify as Scene Kids, specifically the female of the species. They are not to be confused with (but are similar to) hipsters, indie, goth, emo, and indie girls. Here's a handy quiz in case you need to know where you fall. I was just looking through random stuff online and I had a thought... I worried about how this might affect their future.

It's fine to dye your hair a fun mermaid color when you already have a job, or get piercings and tattoos where no one can see them, or wear interesting clothing. I think the same rules apply to most things in my mind:

If you are an adult who pays their own bills and is independent of anyone else, then you have the right and freedom to make any choices you want, provided you are willing to live with the consequences.

Awww, like this. She's 20.
Photo credit val-empathic.tumblr.com

But what about if you're 15 and you really want to get a lip ring and dye your hair green and pink?

I had a cousin who went through it a few years ago. That story does not end happily, but it does illustrate my point... when I was 15 I had no idea what my life was going to be like in a week, let alone a decade. I see all these really adorable girls on Tumblr or in my town at grocery stores or at concerts or at bars (if you hit a college hangout) who are clearly part of whatever the 'scene' is for "Scene Girls".

They have the hair, the make up, the clothes, the piercings, and I assume the Instaham and KikMe accounts. Some of them are really, really young! And they are really, really into things on the internet that seem questionable safety-wise. There's a WikiHow where they specifically encourage these girls to "model".

I don't think that's really sound life advice. This seems to be a sort of "famous for being famous" training program where you start getting random likes and favorites from strangers based solely on your looks at a really, really young age. Need proof? Here's a NSFW Tumblr. Check those numbers. Girls are desperate for attention and validation. The internet specializes at the illusion of both. Also, side note, I really hope those girls are legal.

I can't stress enough that no teenager escapes that time of their lives without some sort of permanent battle scars, that almost goes without saying. But do you really want to base your entire future on how "the sex" you looked in your selfie? Or worse, pin your entire future career path on what your InstaTumbBook page looks like from high school/college? What are they going to do when they're 30? Do we want a world where that's the norm? I doubt it. I certainly don't think that's a good idea.

There is nothing wrong with girls of any taking cute pictures, there is nothing wrong with having an online persona, there's nothing wrong with experimenting with hair, fashion, make-up, whatever. Any women who makes it to adulthood can look back and cringe and regale you with long-forgotten tales of what it meant to be "posh" or "grunge" or how awesome they looked in that baby doll dress or those platforms or that trucker hat.  Equally, we were all convinced that whatever we were doing was the best possible thing. We were so smart and we totally knew better than everyone else, because it's like my life and you can't live it for me and I know what I'm doing you're not the boss of me!

That's all part of growing up.

But another equally important part of growing up is forgetting some of that stuff. For example, there are no surviving pictures of my one high school male friend who wore heels and a dress and make up for a dare one night, because if there were, he probably couldn't go into politics now.

This is really the first generation that won't be able to forget their mistakes because they are committing them en masse to the bowels of the internet, and repeat after me, "The internet never forgets."

As a sort-of-adult now, I feel for them. I just... I just want them to make smart life choices and think about their actions and-

oh my god I've turned into my mother...

Please excuse me while I go dye my hair pink and jump on the bed while eating something terrible for dinner.

http://bit.do/brtKa