#NationalComingOutDay: Support and Kittens for Everyone and Anyone Who Needs It!

This post is for anyone who is coming out, planning on coming out, has come out, has been the receiver of a coming out, has had a friend or loved one come out, has come out of their house to get the paper, has ever come out of a closet and had a random guy yell, "Hey look (guffaw) you're coming out of the closet dude!" Literally anything coming out or closet related, this is for you.

I'm not that old. Honestly, I know I feel that old some days, but I'm not bedridden or grey haired, yet. I have been told on occasion that I have an "old soul" but I think that's just a way of politely saying I know more than I should or that I'm intuitive or empathetic. More importantly, people always end up feeling instinctively that they can talk to me. About anything. As if I am somehow intrinsically trustworthy.

Have some kittens.
It's going to be alright.

They're not wrong. I never share secrets without a damn good reason. Over the years, this has led to a higher-than-normal amount of people using me as their sounding board for coming out. I usually get the tearful pre-coming-out phone call. Typically, asking if I would still be friends (or ceramic class partners, family, whatever) with the person if they decided they were something "else" that people didn't "normally accept" or similarly worded language.

Everything is fluffy and awesome.

Seriously. You know Fez gives
me nightmares.

My answer is usually something slightly sarcastic and incredulous like, "Well duh. I mean, I didn't stop being friends with you when you started liking One Direction. I didn't disown you after you made me watch That 70's Show. And you know how much I hate that show... Why would I stop being friends with you now?" It usually makes them giggle and breaks some of the incredible tension they've been feeling. I understand that not everyone can react with humor or even comfort the first time they hear someone they care about is coming out. Sometimes it can be difficult or scary to hear. And it's not usually because you think they're making the wrong choice, but because you're an adult. You've seen how hard it can be for anyone who doesn't live a "traditionally accepted" life.

We all wanted Brian. And Justin.
And the cute lesbians.
It's okay.

So, the first bit of good news! It is now easier than ever for non-traditional lifestyles to find acceptance. Online dating is there if you live in a small town where there's no awesome bar like on Queer as Folk. Gay/Straight Alliances are found at even the most unlikely schools. The large majority of people now accept that this is happening and they should probably stop being hateful. We've legalized gay marriage in most of the states now I think. Really, we're miles from where the people who are listening to the coming out speeches were when they had to form their battle hardened adult shells. So, cheer up! I'm not saying that living life is going to be easy, but look at all of you straight people out there who still can't find the loves of your lives! Does it seem like it's super easy for you either? Of course not, life is hard. That's fine.

The second bit of good news! If you are hearing from someone today that they are slightly different than you may have thought, be honored! They trust you. They care what you think. This is probably one of the hardest moments of their lives and you just get to relax and smile and say "Cool." at the end of it and that's it. Success! Hearing someone come out doesn't mean you throw a party or even that you change anything at all about how you treat them. I mean, you can throw a party. Who doesn't love cake?! So, take what they are giving you with grace and love and then let them know it's cool.

Cause we paint with ALL the colors here.

Now, for those of you who are coming out or plan to come out or have not yet come out. You may find this post. You may find plenty of other stuff on the interwebz talking about how it's a day of support, acceptance and a bunch of other positivity. While that is true, do not feel like you have to do anything right this minute. Coming out is an extremely personal process and you should never feel pressured by a hashtag. While joining a movement can be comforting, it isn't always the best way to get to your destination. That being said, take your time. Consider everything. Make the decision to come out when it's right for you, not the internet. Most of all, know that being a good person is always going to be more important that who you're sleeping with, and focus on what really matters in life. Good luck. I'm here if you need me.

It's going to be fine, have another kitten.
We have plenty.

Academic stuff.

Sexuality is fluid. Most people know what the Kinsey scale is, at least now they do. For those of you who don't, it's a handy way of measuring how "gay or straight" a person is. It's a self-measuring tool, but occasionally the results can be helpful in a clinical or therapeutic setting.

You can take a test here: Kinsey Scale Test and your results will be scored on one of these blue academic-looking scale things. There's a scale with 1-6, but there's a huge amount of variance contained in those simple numbers. Your results, if you take that test up there will look something like this:

Human sexuality really looks more like this:

Look at all the COLORS!

My point here is that most people don't fall strictly on one end of the spectrum or the other. We're all a mess of human instinct and sexual deviance and fetishes and emotions and a bunch of other stuff. What you like now may not be what you're into in 50 years. Goodness knows there's a huge amount of different between who I would consider sleeping with now compared to when I was 18.

Things can change. You may want to tick a different box someday. Or a few boxes. Or all the boxes and then erase and start over. Or just draw a picture on the side. Whatever!

Be tolerant. Be loving. Be honest with yourself and those around you. There's nothing wrong with living your life in the vicinity of a bunch of boxes, instead of inside just one.

Special thanks to Belle for her awesome graphics skills!

http://ow.ly/Tg0HH

Lies Gracefully

There are times... when no one says it better than Nero. I can honestly say if I died tomorrow and needed an epitaph, I could not do better than "Lies Gracefully".

As a writer, lying is kind of what we do. The idea that I could be thought of as a graceful liar is entirely pleasing. I think that most writers would think of themselves as "Successful Liars" or "Accomplished Truthstretchers". It's all a matter of perspective. For me, grace has always been something I've cherished. It seemed important somehow, even as a young child that being graceful was a quality I should strive to achieve. On some days, I like to think I even attain that lofty goal.

When it comes to lying, I can't imagine a better way to lie, than "gracefully". Seeing as how it would be on my headstone while I was laid below, the double entendre seems apropos. 

My 2nd Graphic

I love these things! Please check out @SouthernBelleGaming on Tumblr and Twitter, as a thank you for making this!