Have you ever created something and when you looked at it later, you were struck by an odd feeling of dissociation?
I don't mean you painted something and then when you looked at it, you hated every fibre and stroke.
I mean, you looked at something you created and honestly didn't feel like it was yours? Like it had been done by someone else? You remember creating it, you definitely didn't have any help. But for some reason, there is no connection. When you think about it, you still think it's a great piece of whatever, but it doesn't feel like your baby.
That may sound weird to some people. Most writers, artists, or other creators (even my coder friends!) will tell you that when they create something there is a piece of them that goes into making it. They feel that as the process is happening, then can almost feel the blood pouring from them to the piece like a transfusion of life. It doesn't always happen in huge amounts, but whenever they look back, they still feel like the work is tied to them. They feel the connection with the piece of them that was left behind with the finished fill-in-the-blank.
For some reason, I occasionally can't associate with my work after I'm finished. I can't go back and look at past content or achievement and feel something from it. If anything, it almost always feels oddly disconnected. Worse, the better the project is by objective standards, the harder it is to think of it as "mine". I recently wrote some new material and it got some really positive feedback, which is always great. But when I went back to reread, edit, etc. all I could think was "I didn't write this. It's good. It's funny and well-written but it wasn't 'me'. Maybe I'm possessed or something."
Jokes aside, I'm just curious if anyone else feels like this. Do you paint something and look back thinking, "It's too good I don't know what happened by that can't be my work" even when it is? Do you write a song and hear it a few months down the road and for a few bars you can't recognize that it's your song? Let me know in the comments.
