Showing posts with label adulthood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adulthood. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Timeless Characters and First Loves

Something very interesting happens at the beginning of "The League of Frightened Men" by Rex Stout. Archie Goodwin is discussing his inability to read books.


He scans the newspaper, and most days reads it thoroughly. But with books, he finds them to be pointless, "...there's nothing alive about it, it's all dead and gone...". This of course made me wonder how he would feel now, with his character still in print, still being read and loved by millions (or possibly just me?), but still quite vibrant and full of sparks.

I think it's great how you can read any Rex Stout book featuring Nero and Archie, and without much effort, you are instantly transported to a world you feel at home in. Obviously there is an element of nostalgia. But there is more: the feel of the words, pictures they summon, the emotions they create.

The memories are not limited to what's between the pages, but also what's between the lines -  our own memories from previous readings. This got me thinking about the past and the first time I read this particular book.

I remember finding it on my grandparents' attic bookshelf. They weren't big on keeping "popular" books around the house. Often the editions were rare, valuable or collectible. But this one slightly scuffed paperback was resting on a lower shelf, alone, and fairly unimportant looking. Still, it peeked out and seemed to say, "It's alright, I'm not anything fancy, you can pick me up and you won't get in trouble. Give us a try."

I studied the cover and consulted the copyright page. It was from Great Britain, an edition from the 1970's. I made my way downstairs and politely asked my grandmother, "May I please read this? I found it upstairs. It didn't look important, so I thought it might be ok? I'll put it back when I'm done, I promise!"

Taking it from me she smiled at the cover, as if it were a lost friend, rediscovered. She expressed puzzlement that I had found it upstairs. "All of these were moved, I thought. But certainly, go ahead and read it if you like. Now, Oreo or chocolate chip?"

I would later learn the rest had been moved to my grandparents' room so my grandmother could read them while she was recovering from some ailment. This lone text had apparently been separated from its brethren during their migration from attic to bedroom. After explaining that I should deposit it with her when I finished it, she sent me off to the back room with cookies and my discovery.

Unfortunately, the reasons for my being there that day are gone from my mental files, but I know it was raining. That probably explained why I happened to be hunting for something to do or read in the first place.

I know she was babysitting me for some reason, which was unusual. I don't remember how old I was, but given that the cookie stage ran out at my grandparents' house sometime around eight or nine, I must have been a bit younger than that. I recall that I could still fit my entire body into one square cushion of the old, brown, corduroy sofa.

There I sat. I opened the soft paper cover, displayed a slightly yellowing first page, and just like that... my life had irrevocably changed.

Over the course of that plate of cookies and probably three or four hours of reading, I met Nero Wolfe and Archie Goodwin. I had been introduced to Fritz Brenner and his magical cooking skills. I had cautiously greeted Inspector Cramer. I heard about Theodore Horstmann and the ten-thousand orchids. I had been invited into the old Brownstone on West 35th Street in New York City. I had toured the office, the dining room, the kitchen, the front room, the elevator and briefly spied the bedrooms, I had made the acquaintance of dozens of new words such as Odontoglossum and Cattleya and gullery. This was especially fascinating, as I thought I already knew all of the words I would ever need.

By the time I put the book down, dusk had come, the rain had stopped and I was breathless with excitement. I knew that there were more of these books somewhere and now I needed more. I had to know if every book was as beautiful, if every story was - as Wolfe would say - satisfactory. But it was almost dinner time and I would be leaving soon. I handed the book back to my grandmother, who immediately put it with her (unknown to me) treasured collection. My adventure suspended.

Thankfully, the suspension did not last long. The very next day, I went to the library, with my mother as my escort. I was free to choose my selection, as always. I made my way immediately to the S's and scooped up all five of the books they had available. I still didn't know how many there were, but even those five seemed like a bounty.

I was so used to characters that only had one story, or perhaps two. I had read a few serials, but most of the time the library would have one book in a series (the most recent) and little else. When I consulted my mother over my choices, she smiled and said, "I remember reading these." That alone was encouragement enough. If two generations of my family could smile at the covers; the silent recommendation spoke volumes to me.

I read all of them. I had to request books from libraries all over the state. In the days before email, I can only imagine the long distance charges and faxes that had to be exchanged. But it was worth it. In time, I came to own all of the stories; books, anthologies, omnibuses. This was almost two decades ago now, but I still read them.

I have plenty of other things I read, mostly only once or twice. I read new books all the time and I think I have over a thousand ebooks on my Kindle, roughly half of which are still waiting for attention. But never confuse quantity for quality, especially in literature.

There are very few authors that merit re-reading in my world. Neal Stephenson's novels, Night of the Avenging Blowfish by John Welter (which I highly recommend), all of the different Nancy Drew series, Dave Barry, a few others. Most of these I reread once or twice a year, when the mood strikes.

Then there is Rex Stout. Almost without fail, I cycle through over 70 Nero Wolfe short story trios and novels - which takes about a month - in order of publication. I probably do this anywhere from half a dozen to a dozen times a year. I still find words that I don't know occasionally, scenes that I find a deeper meaning in, little flourishes I somehow missed. For what they are, that alone is unexpected and magical. They are just that good.


TL;DR -
What was the first book that had an impact on you?
What was the first book you can remember being attached to?
What was the most important book you read as a child?
What was the book that led you to love reading or writing?




- Hope

Comment here, or on Twitter @nonsteader
I would love to know, and I look forward to hearing from you!!

Monday, November 2, 2015

It's my birthday and I'll sigh if I want to...

It gets harder and harder every year to think of something fun to do on this date in history.


It's my birthday and I will sigh and eye roll if I want to.
Also, my book is free today to celebrate, grab your copy here.


Almost everyone hits an age where birthdays turn on them.

For some, it happens early, right after 21, when they realize there's not much point in counting any more milestones.

For others, it happens after 29 or 39, when they don't want to tell anyone about depressing milestones.

But whenever it happens, there is usually a distinct lack of  presents.

Buying gifts for an adult is hard. I understand that, and I sympathize. Gift giving for children is a piece of cake. It requires very little effort. That is part of what makes it fun.

That also doesn't mean we should stop trying. Sure, there's always the reliable gift card/cash/voucher type of present, where the recipient is appreciative, Hardly overwhelmed with delight and wonder, but appreciative. I don't suggest you stop giving those gifts, for some of us, that may be our food budget for a month or three, or our heating bill, or our overdue student loan payment.

What if I told you we could make gift buying/giving/receiving fun again for those old enough to rent a car? Because gifts like cash and cards almost always end up being spent on something mundane. No less vital to our survival, but decimating to our sense of fun.


With that in mind, a few simple suggestions, fresh from:

~Non-Steader Philosophy~



1: If you have to/want to/need to give a monetary equivalent* gift-
(*Note: this includes all forms of cash, card or paper voucher type of presents, things which come in envelopes, things you can hand the person and usually require no ribbon or festive paper)


These gifts are always appreciated. In most cases, the recipient feels joy and gratitude. Often the recipient is broke, desperate or has a payment of some kind due, and this gift saves their bacon.

These gifts are important, please keep them coming! Consider some alternatives. Wouldn't taking them to dinner be more personal? If you are giving them cash and you know they will use it on a bill, you probably know the person pretty well. Why not offer to just pay a specific bill for them and then give them something small to actually open?

Any of these would make you stand head and shoulders above anyone else who remembers their birthday.



2: If you have no idea what to get the person or they are hard to buy for-


This can be tough, I know. The first thing: what do they enjoy; second thing: what they do with their time. Do not think this means you can buy your mistress/significant other/spouse a toaster or other appliances, that* always ends badly.
(*Unless they asked for it specifically. That's a whole separate blog post.)

What if they are addicted to Netflix and never leave the house unless it's on fire? Maybe they could use a fluffy place to put their feet up and a place for their drink. If they have to walk to work maybe they need a really perfect umbrella. In England, they call those "brollies". As it should be. These gifts are useful, classic, well-made and on the pricey side.

Try to focus on what they might need, not just what they don't want. You will often hear this adult saying things like "I don't need anything" or "I just don't want another golf glove" or "I have enough polo shirts!"

For these people I always suggest a movie night. You pay a month of their favorite streaming service, bring whatever snacks/drinks/alcohol they might desire and make a fun sleepover-type thing out of it. Alternatively, you can buy a month of their service, maybe offer to babysit their kids for a night (if they have any), and then just give them all the stuff, gift-wrapped and hand-picked. Maybe they would rather be alone, or would like to spend it with someone special. Either way, they have something to open and something to be excited about. It's a win.



3: If they are into a specific hobby, game, TV show, movie, anything with merchandising-

Do. NOT. Buy. Merchandise. Ever. Unless you have specifically heard from this person that they want nothing more than a Bob's Burgers t-shirt, or a Game of Thrones replica tiny sword. That is the only exception. If there is something they really want, and it is affordable, sure, get that. Do not let your relatives just leap on the "Get anything from American Dad" bandwagon.

There are only so many pieces of memorabilia! Even a super-fan has limits. I would love a vintage Emma Peel Lotus Elan model car, but you can't say to people "The Avengers" and expect to get the right stuff. I buy those kind of collectible/specialized/specific objets d'art myself, because I know exactly what I'm looking for; because I'm the fan.

Don't do this to your loved ones, unless they ask. If they ask, pay attention. Listen for specific instructions. There is a huge difference between Sherlock and Elementary. Not all Sherlocks are equal!



4: If they don't even know what they want or you are broke, destitute, poor-

You want to do something amazing but it would require funds. Funds you do not have. Well, you can't spell funds without fun! There is a surprising amount of stuff that is fun and cheap/free.

Hit these websites, sign your friend up a week or two in advance (some require it at least 7 days before the big day), make sure to use their name (a lot of them check ID to prevent fraud). But use your address or a dummy email (you don't want them to get spammed for their birthday/ruin the surprise!). Then let the fun/travel begin! Plan out your day of free things, based on what's in your town, what's available, what's open, etc.

This works for those "difficult to buy for" people as well, since those are the type of people who usually adhere to the "Events and Experiences are always better than things" part of the Non-Steading Philosophy. If they want actual gifts but really don't know what they want, you can always turn it into a scavenger hunt. Pick the best free things you think they will enjoy, make small boxes with the clues inside, wrap them and dole them out over the day. They get to open stuff and get free things!

Non-Steader ProTip: Keep an eye out for "purchase necessary" scams. You only want the freebies!


5: If they gave you anything in a mason jar*, ever, at any point in history, for any birthday-
(*Note: this includes jams, jellies, mixes, pancake batter, homemade glitter, anything but does not cover if you said "I'd love your homemade apple butter for my birthday" that's on you.)


This person is dead to you now. Just walk away.


Websites from #4:
http://thefrugalgirls.com/birthday-freebies
http://www.buzzfeed.com/alannaokun/free-things-you-can-get-on-your-birthday#.beoLDo8r
http://www.thepennyhoarder.com/100-places-will-give-free-stuff-birthday/

Grab a free book today: http://amzn.com/B014OKNOZE

http://bit.do/brtPT
http://ow.ly/U6SSx

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Where do all the #SceneGirls go?

That moment when you catch yourself thinking like an adult...

Interesting...
I also like cupcakes.
Lately there's been a trend of something I've come to identify as Scene Kids, specifically the female of the species. They are not to be confused with (but are similar to) hipsters, indie, goth, emo, and indie girls. Here's a handy quiz in case you need to know where you fall. I was just looking through random stuff online and I had a thought... I worried about how this might affect their future.

It's fine to dye your hair a fun mermaid color when you already have a job, or get piercings and tattoos where no one can see them, or wear interesting clothing. I think the same rules apply to most things in my mind:

If you are an adult who pays their own bills and is independent of anyone else, then you have the right and freedom to make any choices you want, provided you are willing to live with the consequences.


Awww, like this. She's 20.
Photo credit val-empathic.tumblr.com
But what about if you're 15 and you really want to get a lip ring and dye your hair green and pink?

I had a cousin who went through it a few years ago. That story does not end happily, but it does illustrate my point... when I was 15 I had no idea what my life was going to be like in a week, let alone a decade. I see all these really adorable girls on Tumblr or in my town at grocery stores or at concerts or at bars (if you hit a college hangout) who are clearly part of whatever the 'scene' is for "Scene Girls".

They have the hair, the make up, the clothes, the piercings, and I assume the Instaham and KikMe accounts. Some of them are really, really young! And they are really, really into things on the internet that seem questionable safety-wise. There's a WikiHow where they specifically encourage these girls to "model".

I don't think that's really sound life advice. This seems to be a sort of "famous for being famous" training program where you start getting random likes and favorites from strangers based solely on your looks at a really, really young age. Need proof? Here's a NSFW Tumblr. Check those numbers. Girls are desperate for attention and validation. The internet specializes at the illusion of both. Also, side note, I really hope those girls are legal.

I can't stress enough that no teenager escapes that time of their lives without some sort of permanent battle scars, that almost goes without saying. But do you really want to base your entire future on how "the sex" you looked in your selfie? Or worse, pin your entire future career path on what your InstaTumbBook page looks like from high school/collegeWhat are they going to do when they're 30? Do we want a world where that's the norm? I doubt it. I certainly don't think that's a good idea.

There is nothing wrong with girls of any taking cute pictures, there is nothing wrong with having an online persona, there's nothing wrong with experimenting with hair, fashion, make-up, whatever. Any women who makes it to adulthood can look back and cringe and regale you with long-forgotten tales of what it meant to be "posh" or "grunge" or how awesome they looked in that baby doll dress or those platforms or that trucker hat.  Equally, we were all convinced that whatever we were doing was the best possible thing. We were so smart and we totally knew better than everyone else, because it's like my life and you can't live it for me and I know what I'm doing you're not the boss of me!

That's all part of growing up.


But another equally important part of growing up is forgetting some of that stuff. For example, there are no surviving pictures of my one high school male friend who wore heels and a dress and make up for a dare one night, because if there were, he probably couldn't go into politics now.

This is really the first generation that won't be able to forget their mistakes because they are committing them en masse to the bowels of the internet, and repeat after me, "The internet never forgets."

As a sort-of-adult now, I feel for them. I just... I just want them to make smart life choices and think about their actions and-

oh my god I've turned into my mother...

Please excuse me while I go dye my hair pink and jump on the bed while eating something terrible for dinner.






















http://bit.do/brtKa